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Jul. 31st, 2007 | 11:51 pm

What I wish I was doing and what I am doing are very different at this moment. I would like to be sleeping but instead I am stressing about getting everything done in time for the wedding. Oh yeah and not killing anyone. Only 44 more days before I am on holidays.
Viv is coing down then we will drive back together. I am looking forward to that.
Well I am going home.

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Jun. 22nd, 2007 | 05:17 pm

I got a new job. I am very excited. I am now working for Kelly Management and I am going to continue working at Addition-Elle for a couple of nights a week. My new job is 8:30-5pm with an hour for lunch. And the most cool part is I work right across from my house. No really, like I look out my living room window and I can see the building. The hardest part is going to tell Lynell I am going down to very part time.
I am too scattered to type

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(no subject)

Jun. 11th, 2007 | 11:11 am

Some days the inner child needs to come forward and play. Boy oh boy do I need my inner child to play. It feels like all I do now is work and visit Micheal. Neither are a bad thing but I think I need to do something for just me and not with anyone else. Course I have no idea where to start.

I got to deal Black jack for a while last night and I had fun for the most part. I wish sometimes the job was a little more steady. But then I remember I don't like to deal that much. I found it funny how I always seems to get the asshole on my table who although it is a FUN MONEY CASINO they that it so personally. I usually get that guy just as I start to think I miss doing this job. BAM there he is to remind me I hate dealing to assholes who don't know when to call it quits. Funny in Kelowna when I did fun money I did not get that guy but here I do every time I deal.

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I've been thinking...

Jun. 7th, 2007 | 04:46 pm
location: somewhere I'm sure
mood: contemplativecontemplative
music: Zombie (The Cranberries)

I know a dangerous thing. However I really need to take some time and clear my head. Sometimes I feel so alone in this madness. Brenda is back at work but screwed me on the rent as she didn't pay attention to her time off and passed the eight week mark which ment she didn't a get full paycheck. mom has been off for three weeks dealing with the Micheal thing. And so that leaves me holding the bag once again.

I know I get to run away in September but I don't know that it is soon enough. And here's the kicker I can't afford to go sooner. I am still looking for another job. I never heard back from the one that sounded so good. I have another lead but it is dependant on someone giving their notice. This job would be great as it is right across the street from me and is a 9 -5 job. So I could work a couple of nights at the other place as well and keep the discount on clothes.

I yelled at Mike the other day. I am so stressed out that anyone make a demand of my time is making me resentful. I know I may have been over reacting but I needed to tell him how I was feeling and I may not have been really nice about it at first. That is the problem with being angry when you talk to someone you don't know how rash you sound or don't sound.

I have been hanging out with Lynell a lot lately, going to movies and such. We went and saw Pathfinders and tonight we are going to Ghost Rider. It is playing a the cheap Theater so it's like 3.50 to see the movie. Hell I can't even rent it that cheap.

Scott is getting an award at school tonight as is Korra. I am not sure what for but I am a proud mom.

I found my best friend from when I was 3 - 12 on Face Book. It is so cool. I am calling her tonight. It will be the first time we have spoken in 13 years. It is crazy that she is living in Kelowna. Four years total she has been there. She tired to find me but I didn't have anything in my name so she couldn't. I think I am loving this Face Book thing.

Micheal's doctors told him he has to stay in the hospital longer. He is pretty angry and I am not sure how to convince him it is for the best. I was thrilled that they allowed him a 2hr pass to come out with me this afternoon. We mostly drove around and picked the kids up from school. I brought him home for a couple of minutes but when he started looking for the rolodex to call his Knoghts I said we had no time and had to go. It was seeming like he was doing better over the last little while but since the doctor told him he was staying he is back in a full rant. I am thinking he was hiding the fact that the meds weren't working to mom and me. Mostly because the doctor has changed his meds for the third time. They have him a new one that they have to watch your white blood count or it can kill you. Hence why the doctor won't let him come home. I really wish the doctors would keep us a little more informed because it is hard to get the whole real story from Micheal right now.

Well I am off to the school to be a happy proud mom.

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I see the light

May. 31st, 2007 | 11:59 am
location: Edmonton
mood: hopefulhopeful
music: none

Things have been getting better slowly. Micheal is still in the hospital and will be for a while by the sounds of things. He is not reacting to his meds and he doesn't want to take them so they are having a tough time with him.

I have been applying for other employment and have a job I think I might love so wish me luck.

I am in the process of calling all my friends and family and letting them know about Micheal which is very draining. I have been contacting people from my past on Face Book. It is good to talk to some of the people I have found again.

I am working on getting my name, device, and badge registered. I have to send off the name while I keep working on the device. I was somewhat disappointed the device I wanted didn't follow the rules and I had a color on color so I have been trying to rework it so it will pass. I am looking forward to Silverwolf on the 16th. I really need to go to an SCA event. I am getting really excitied about the one in September. I think I will enjoy that one a little more as I will know more people. As well as I will be on vacation at that time so that makes it better already.

Well I think I have to head out to the hospital so I will post more another day. I hope everyone is doing well.

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Some Days

May. 26th, 2007 | 10:21 am
location: trapped
mood: melancholymelancholy
music: i wish

What a tough few weeks. I sometimes feel like my world is caving in on my head and I don't have enough time to get up for air and catch my breath. Micheal is still in the hospital and it takes all the life out of me when I go to visit. it is so hard to talk to him in his world where it makes no sense to me and he thinks I should know. Mom is smoking again and I am fighting hard not to start. I am use to having a strong network of friends to help me get through shit in my life and now they are so far away and I feel so alone at times. I kno wi can call them at anytime but it is not the same as getting a well needed hug and a good giggle and another hug.

With the shit with Brenda and Micheal I really didn't need more piled on my plate but the universe thought I did so I got a call from my stepmom who the doctors found cancer and she is going in for surgury soon to have it removed.

And then there is my job. What do I say about it. I can't understand how the poeple who run this company can be so fucking stupid. They are so worried about money they are making it so the sttore will fail and they won't make money. It is a circle that we are running aroung spinning wheels and I know it is dumb but how do you stop it. So I am looking for a differnet job. I can not in good faith and any sort of conviction work for a company that I feel does not support it's team. Besides when I have better business sence the people running the company it is time for me to leave.

I have decided to go to Kelowna in September. There is a SCA event and I think it would be a great time to go. I am not taking anyone from home with me. I need the space and I need to do some healing for me instead of being the rock strength for everyone in my world.

I joined face book and have been in contract with a couple of people I haven't seen or heard from in years. It is cool to see how they are doing and all. I like the site for the quick hellos you can send daily weekly monthly to people you don't want to lose touch with.

Well thanks for reading my bitching and release. I will try to have a more positive outlook next time.

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May. 4th, 2007 | 09:05 am
mood: artisticartistic

I could climb mountains. I think I could anyways. I am having a morning that I wish would not end. I am not in the mood to work but would love to continue with all my sewing projects. I am working on three hobo bags and curtains for mom's room and Brenda's room and the living room. Plus I need to make new SCA grab as mine is not fitting any more. I was happy/upset to find my corset no longer fits. I paid lots of money for it and got little use use out of it. I think I have worn it five or six times.
I should be happy I am losing the inches but I have to say the bill of replacement is getting high.
I am feeling a little discouraged with the fund raising for the Breast Cancer walk. I was hoping to have a larger amount of funds in the pot but at this time don't. I have to do a Big ask with someone but do not know who i can ask. Sometimes I really miss working at the Casino.

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(no subject)

May. 1st, 2007 | 12:46 pm

I like Tweedy Bird. I think he is so cute and he has tude to boot.
Feelin g pretty good today and now I have to go work on the yard.

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where i want to be

Apr. 30th, 2007 | 11:19 am
location: wanting to be in a cabin
mood: artisticartistic

when i look at the photo above i feel warm and fuzzy all over. i think i may have been here before in a past life or something. i think i want to go there again. i think i would love to walk and hike around the area that this cabin is located.

I feel pretty good today after my walk. I think I need a little more sleep but work calls and I need to pay the bills.

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We did it

Apr. 29th, 2007 | 06:12 pm
location: office again
mood: accomplishedaccomplished
music: white noise around the house

Today I walked approx 25 km in 3.5 hours. I feel great. I am a little tired and my muscles are sore but on a whole I feel great. I am going over to Mike's to soak in the hot tub tonight. I am looking forward to that. I put on a size 16 swimsuit tonight and although the bra part is tight on my boobs it fits!!!!!!!!!! Thank God my mom had a swimsuit as all of mine are way too big. I think it is wonderful to say so. I need to go through my closet and clean out all my too big clothes and get rid of them. I am going tot need to buy a couple pairs of pants and some other dressy shirts so I can get through work for the next little while. I have been waiting so that I don't have to buy a new wardrobe every month or so.
Girly moment
I am looking forward to buying all my new clothes in a size 14. That is where I will be in August. I do not think that is a far fetched goal. That will mean my dress pants will be a size 16 though. I find it funny that dress pants fit so different. I will need to write a list of clothes I will need to buy. I am looking forward to it.
Girly moment ends
I am very proud of my walking partner Andrea. I was worried about her asama and the walking but she did great. I think the hill almost killed us both. The thing we have learned for the next time: have a snack on hand as we burned a lot of energy and I think it would have been a better walk back if we had something in our tummies.

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